ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
