Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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