I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
