Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How naked do you want me to be?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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