# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
