I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
