In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
