the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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