yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
