I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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