I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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