dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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