Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
