a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
