The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize