I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
