Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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