A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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