Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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