Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize