I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
