Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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