just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
