Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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