im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
