You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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