She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
