Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
