I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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