i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
