dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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