I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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