I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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