so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
