when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
