He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
