With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
