Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
