Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
