She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
