I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
