Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
