It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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