omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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