and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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