i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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