My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize