I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
