Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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