also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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