This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize