Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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