i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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