I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
