She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize