Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there was a trapeze. enough said
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
