I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
