He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Randomize
