Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
