The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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