Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
