wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
