I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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