Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
