he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
