I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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