he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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