Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
