I think I died a long time ago.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
