Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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