the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
