There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
