2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
