i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Found the puke drawer
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
