that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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