Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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