walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
