that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
