No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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