he thought i was a dude.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
