Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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